Longing to smile at my little angel
by Lisa M. Carrillo
(El Dorado Hills, CA)
I'm 34yrs old and have just been blessed with my first child,a beautiful baby boy, and it breaks my heart everyday that I cannot smile for fear of humiliation and embarrassment.
When I was 24yrs old, I was diagnosed with a very rare disease called "pseudo tumor cerebri" basically meaning benign tumor in the head (around the brain).
I completely lost my sight for months off and on, for about two years. I bounced back and forth between neurologists who were dumbfounded as to what was wrong with me. I would get horrendous headaches and start vomiting non-stop, i would be hospitalized and numerous lombard punctures would be performed hoping to relieve the pressure in my head.
Eventually, the pressure became so extreme that I lost my sight. The Doctors all thought that I was going to remain blind and started preparing me for that reality by referring me to centers for the blind. To make matters worse, this condition caused me to gain a massive amount of weight, I went from 130lbs to 317lbs in 8 months.
The medications I had to consume caused horrible damage to my teeth, eating the enamel and then they began falling out one by one. I had some repaired years ago when i was married and could afford them, only to have them fall out again the last two years.
I went through a heartbreaking, financially draining divorce because my ex-husband decided to cheat on me, and I was left with nothing. Then I was laid off, and that was an angel in disguise because I qualified for a California Training program that paid for me to attend Psych Tech/Nursing School. I completed it with honors, have since moved on my own to start a new career and met and fell in love with my soulmate and was blessed with my little angel in August 2010.
During my pregnancy I battled with flare ups with my disease and my teeth fell out one by one. I don't smile, I cover my mouth when I laugh and talk, I mumble because I don't want anyone to see the disgusting teeth i have left which are few, and my self esteem is completely gone.
This is supposed to be the time of my life when I am the happiest, yet, when i look in the mirror, I am repulsed and feel like I'm losing control.
I'm not claiming to be more deserving of these implants than others, but, I hope whomever reads my story feels like I deserve a chance to be completely happy for the first time in my life and allow me the opportunity to take a picture with my new baby boy and smile without shame.
I've never complained about my misfortunes and bad health, I look at it this way: I was chosen to bear this cross, and along the way I'm learning lessons and becoming an example and teacher to others about strength, perseverance and humility.
Thank you for the opportunity to SMILE again, and if I'm chosen it would be greatly appreciated and the blessing of a lifetime for me.
Thank You& God Bless,